[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Hello! Everything's still radioactive!
Whatever it is I'm NOT doing
needs to ESPECIALLY not be here!
I think this is the end of
the voyage of the swamp boat.
God, look at that. Even if this wasn't
radioactive, why would I want to be here?
Oh, more of those missiles, huh?
So were they aiming for me specifically,
or just decided, y'know what? Let's make
sure no one ever wants to live on Earth?
It looks like there's houses nearby here,
why would--Burke! That the
name of the "Aliens" guy.
Dammit, Burke! You screwed all of us!
You're not real and it didn't even matter!
What was that?! I know I heard it...
[headcrab chirp]
Well, I don't SEE them,
so I wish they would stop making noises
so I can pretend they don't exist.
[straining]
All right... Let's get you up there...
[straining]
God...dyah...SYAAAAHHH! GYAH!
Y'know, once again, I'm lucky I'm me,
because anybody else would be dead by now.
This isn't an underground railroad
anymore. This is a slaughterhouse.
Even if the cops weren't gunning
down everyone--which is a big "if"--
if I wasn't me, I should've
died back in that scrapyard.
That thing was BUILT to kill
people. That's its only purpose.
Even now, the jury's still out
with this radiation. Dammit!
At least when I'm being shot at,
I know if I'd been shot or not.
Gamma rays keep you guessing.
Y'know, I'm starting to think
this isn't a coincidence.
This route couldn't be more dangerous.
People think--Whoa... Easy...
People think they're escaping
and joining the underground,
when really, it's all just a giant mouse trap
to catch dissidents that
slip through the cracks.
This just got even more "Nineteen Eighty-Four"
than it was already. What year is it?
But wait, if this is just a meat
grinder, why is the CIA involved?
Why are they growing a resistance if
the plan is to kill them all anyway?
Maybe it's a little bit of Column
A, and a little bit of Column B.
I guess it gets boring playing
with people's lives all day.
I'm just going to ram this.
OH! SPEAK OF THE DEVIL! WE NEED TO TALK!
I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS DID IN NICARAGUA!
Yeah, pull in here. It's about fucking time!
I've been hanging out in the wind here!
I cannot wait to hear his explanation.
I mean, it's probably going to be bullshit,
but what can you even say at this point?
"Oh yeah, we went and--" ...what?
Did he get eaten by the zombies?!
I JUST saw him! That was really fast!
No, come on. I didn't see a body.
I mean, I'm stranded here
without him, so that's nice!
Did the master of space and time really
just get his head bitten off by a zombie?
Oh, it backed off? They're getting smarter.
Okay. What'd you do with him?
Not the answer I was hoping for.
Well, it's not them. He was wearing a suit.
Oh, this is recent! This must've
happened, what, twenty minutes ago?
RADIO: Station 12, come in.
RADIO: Station 12, do you read?
Uh, yeah, this is Station 12?
[radio static]
Ah, shit. I hit the wrong button.
Fuck it. This isn't worth my time. The
spook is who I need to be looking for.
So he didn't come through here; did
he go around the back? I didn't check.
No, he'd have to shimmy along the fence.
He didn't seem like the type
to want to get his suit dirty.
Oh, did he climb up here?
He had to do SOMETHING
unless these are HIS zombies.
Which... Well, I don't know
if I want to go there yet.
Oh what? He's in the crawlspace?
No, no one's up here.
Oh, there's something around back.
Oh, okay. So he was just flagging
me? Meet him in the back?
He must have a secret entrance.
Meeting in the old barn isn't
clandestine enough for him.
He's got to meet in the house
out back BEHIND the old barn.
I mean, he has to be around here somewhere;
why would he signal me if he
didn't want me to come up here?
Y'know, I think I'm starting to get
why he dropped me off the way he did.
It's really stupid,
but I think I get it now.
What's happening... Okay.
Well, that would freak me
out if it fell on my head.
Oh. This is where people come to drink bleach.
But yeah, what's happening
is he thinks he's Mr. Miyagi,
and serving me up to the police is his
interpretation of "wax on, wax off",
because apparently surviving Black Mesa and
an ALIEN WORLD means I need to prove myself.
Oh, beer! THERE'S the silver lining.
He's really not here?
Dammit, I'm not used to this.
I'm observing mounting evidence,
yet somehow it's not narrowing down my
theories as to what's happening at all.
The only thing I can conclude
so far is that he's an asshole.
I don't need a doctorate for that one.
So I guess he's gone. Fine, I'm gone, too.
He probably just hit a button on his
watch and teleported out of there.
Wait, no. He didn't even hit a button,
did he? I was there. He just did it.
Y'know that kind of pisses
me off--okay, let's go--
because he's not smarter
than me, I mean, come on,
but he DOES have better technology.
We were doing groundbreaking work and
he just teleports in like it's nothing.
That would be like if we were in the 1800s
inventing the internal combustion engine,
and he just shows up in a Ferrari
doing donuts outside our workshop.
That's really demoralizing.
I'm doing it. This is the most fun I'm
going to have for a while, I know it.
I almost rolled the boat!
Okay, so, dead end and...
Aw man. It's those photo bots.
I'd love to imagine future people take
these along with them on fishing trips
and that's all this is, but no.
You're not a bass-finder.
You made a compelling case,
but my verdict still stands.
I haven't seen one fisherman
since I got here,
and you know what?
I don't think I'm going to.
Something's wrong if somebody
is fishing in this river.
Yeah, "river". I'm really questioning the
wisdom of taking a boat down this "river".
It would've been better off if we had--
REBEL: Hey down there! Supplies!
Yeah, supplies! I like supplies!
Oh wait, that would be my three...
Actually, it's my one o'clock...
Your nine--ah, you figured it out.
Okay, so what do we have here?
Maybe some REAL beer this time.
Bullets. I'm surprised that floats.
And let me guess. Bullets.
Nothing. Okay, well, one out of two.
Oh, this isn't for you, but
I have something for you.
Y'know, the bullets were for me, but
all I'm doing is giving them to you.
I may as well just be the middleman.
You're the winner in all this.
You don't even need a boat.
Okay, this really IS looking
like the end of the line.
I'm obviously going the right way; Santa's
little helper there had a package for me.
Clearly I'm the first person
to come through here by boat,
or else it's been a long
time since someone else has.
I mean, what is this? A collapsed
bridge? Some sort of junkyard ramp?
Can I move this? Why doesn't it connect?
Okay, this underground railroad
is completely compromised then.
If people aren't being
outright sent to their deaths,
then the paths lead nowhere because all
the information is hopelessly outdated.
...they HAD radio. I guess radio
doesn't help much if everybody's dead.
"Where are you? Please respond. Hello?"
Oh wait. The ramp's propped
up by the barrel? That's odd.
So if I prop it up more, what, I jump it?
This is stupid. Let's try it.
That doesn't look like it did
much. This boat was a mistake.
Yeah, this is a joke. That's
how I know this was the plan.
I'm looking at the official plan.
Some stoner thought this up, thinking,
"Yeah! It'll be like Evel Knievel,
except, like, on the water, man!"
Lambda. Oh my God. Is that what this is?
That's the sign of the railroad.
So no one thought to tell me
THAT'S the sign to follow?
That wouldn't make my life easier?
And isn't that a little obvious?
If I can figure that out by accident,
what do they think the cops
LOOKING for them are going to do?
Although--dead end--to give them
credit, these cops aren't that bright.
But I don't know. They could
maybe figure that one out.
Oh, more of these canisters, huh?
I would say I'm barking up the wrong tree,
but this is obviously what they had in mind.
These are not smart people.
Well, you know what? I'm up here.
I think it's time to abandon ship.
I mean, maybe if there was
WATER, I would reconsider,
but I don't think this is any faster
than going on foot at this point.
Jesus Christ, look at this...
So it's THIS, or try my
luck on the countryside
where aliens have implanted in the ground
to come jump up and--
Okay, I'll try the boat.
That's a false choice anyway
because this isn't going to work,
but this will only take five
minutes; let's prove it anyway.
It's a luxury being able to test
your hypothesis. It's been so long.
Yeah, this isn't going to work.
I'm probably on my way to meeting
a bunch of skeletons anyway.
They already know this path. They hit
that barn dead center with the missile.
So either they know about the lambda
sign, they're monitoring the radio,
or they have a mole. Or, you
know what? All the above.
Eh, I think that first ramp's going to
slow me down on the second one. Hm...
Or maybe they just did the classic
technique: Capture somebody and torture them.
That was easy. C'mon. Get out of there!
I don't need you jamming
up the--Okay, that's good.
Yeah, I wouldn't hold up under torture.
That's why it's so stupid
sending me here the way they did.
He all but delivered me to the authorities.
They had me dead to rights
at the train station.
If that Barney guy had been taking a
smoke break, I'd be a cell right now
and they'd probably be using me to develop
a weapon or better teleporters for THEM.
I mean, I'm not a collaborator,
trying to sell out my own species,
but you introduce me to the torture chair,
and hey! Guess what? I'm a collaborator now.
Okay, Control. We are ready for takeoff.
We are proceeding down the runway.
Speed is good. We are in our lane.
Pluh! Belay that. No mayday.
Didn't they have this problem
in a Charlie Brown movie
where they're stuck on a river?
How'd they get out of that?
I think Snoopy rescued them with a
bulldozer. That doesn't help me at all.